Dating after 60 – how to determine who should pay the bill

If you ask senior men and senior women, you will never get a unanimous answer to the question – ‘who should pay the bill on a date?’ This is still an issue that many women and men grapple with when it comes to dating after the age of 60. If you are unsure about who should pay, then best to talk about it before you go on the date.

Deciding who should pay for the date

The person who asked for the date should pay the bill

Whoever pursued and asked for the date should pay or offer to pay for the date. Often men over the age of 60 have been taught that they are not just paying for a meal or a movie but for the pleasure of a woman’s company and, therefore, should pay. Elderly men often see it as their role to pay for dates, and many elderly women feel nurtured and appreciated. This, however, does not mean that men should expect sex because they paid for dinner. Modern-day etiquette often encourages that if one person pays for the first few dates, then as time goes by, the other person should begin paying for some dates, and the couple can alternate back and forth.

The person who is more financially secure

If one person is much more financially secure than the other, the financially secure person should probably offer to pay for the date.  This, of course, does not mean that the person of lesser means should never pay. Never, however, demean the other person because they earn less money, as this is a bad way to begin a relationship.

Talking about paying for the date

It can be awkward to discuss money on a date, so it is best to talk about who should pay before going on a date. If your date suggests an outing that you are uncomfortable paying for, recommend ‘going dutch’ or suggest a more inexpensive option. It is good practice to discuss who will pay either before the date or at the start of the date to avoid awkwardness or frustration. If you haven’t discussed who will pay for the meal, always be prepared to pay for your portion. Do not order expensive items from the menu that you are unable to pay for.

Traditional views about who should pay for the date 

Many more traditional views about who pays still hold for many people, while other more modern views have taken hold as well. As human beings, we often have the “exchange system for mating rituals” engrained in our mental makeup. When a woman offers to pay for a date and a man is fine with it, this shows her power and her interest in him, and in turn, this shows that the man is accepting of both of these things in the woman.